Something

"Alright, boys, today we are back looking at the absolute bottom of the barrel," Mully said, adjusting his headset as he leaned back in his gaming chair. On the screen, a chaotic montage of distorted images and loud sound effects flickered. "Narrator, please tell me you found something that isn’t just a screaming potato this time."

Narrator’s voice crackled through the Discord call, smooth and professional as always. "I make no promises, Mully. The internet is a dark and lawless place. Like a Denny’s parking lot at three in the morning."

Mully wheezed, rubbing his face. "I swear to God, if I see one more—"

"Mully? Uh, Mully?" Narrator’s voice suddenly shifted from its usual radio-host tone to one of genuine concern. "What is that behind you?"

"What? My closet? It’s just my laundry, dude. I told you I’d clean it," Mully replied, not bothering to turn around.

"No, Mully, there is a literal hole in the fabric of reality opening up behind your chair," Narrator said, his voice rising in pitch. "It’s purple. It’s glowing. Mully, get out of the chair!"

"Nice try, Narrator. You’re not getting a reaction out of me for the thumbnail," Mully scoffed.

Suddenly, a violent gust of wind whipped through the room, knocking over his green screen. The air hummed with a low, vibrating frequency that rattled Mully’s teeth. He finally turned his head, his eyes widening as he saw a swirling vortex of obsidian and violet energy swallowing the space where his bed used to be.

"What the hell is—"

Before he could finish the sentence, the vacuum force of the rift surged. Mully’s chair tipped backward. He let out a sharp yell as he was yanked off his feet, his headphones being ripped from his head.

"Mully! MULLY!" Narrator’s voice echoed from the fallen headset on the floor, but it was too late. With a sound like a thunderclap, the vortex collapsed, leaving the room silent and empty, save for a spinning chair and a confused Narrator staring at a disconnected camera feed.

***

Mully hit a hard, polished floor with a thud that knocked the wind out of him. He groaned, staying facedown for a moment as he waited for the world to stop spinning. The air here didn't smell like his dusty apartment; it smelled of incense, old parchment, and something cold—like a meat locker.

"Stupid... viral... trends," he muttered, pushing himself up onto his elbows.

He blinked, his eyes adjusting to the dim, majestic lighting. He wasn't in his room. He wasn't even in Australia. He was standing in the middle of a massive, vaulted hall that looked like it belonged in a cathedral designed by a goth billionaire. Rows of monstrous, knight-like statues lined the walls, and the floor was a mosaic of exquisite marble.

Mully stood up, dusting off his hoodie. He looked around with an expression that wasn't fear, or even awe. It was the look of a man who had spent too many hours in VR and had finally reached his limit of "weird shit."

"Is this a prank?" he asked the empty air. "Josh? Eddie? If you guys rented out a castle just to scare me, I’m not paying for the Uber home."

He turned around and finally saw the far end of the hall. Atop a flight of stairs sat a massive, ornate throne made of what looked like gold and obsidian. Sitting on that throne was a figure that would have sent any sane man screaming into the night. It was a towering skeleton, draped in regal purple and gold robes, holding a staff that hummed with terrifying power. Its eye sockets glowed with a faint, crimson light.

Standing to the right of the skeleton was a woman of impossible beauty. She wore a white dress that hugged her figure, but two black, feathered wings protruded from her hips, and curved horns grew from her temples.

Mully didn't scream. He didn't run. He just sighed, shoved his hands into his pockets, and started walking toward the throne.

As he approached, the winged woman stepped forward, her hand resting on the hilt of a weapon Mully couldn't quite see. Her eyes were narrowed into lethal slits.

"How dare you approach the Supreme One so casually, human?" she hissed, her voice vibrating with malice. "Kneel before Lord Ainz Ooal Gown, or I shall tear your heart from your chest."

Mully stopped a few feet from the stairs. He looked up at the skeleton, then at the girl, then back at the skeleton. He looked bored. "Yeah, yeah, 'Supreme One,' very cool. Nice CGI, by the way. The lighting on the ribs is a solid ten."

Ainz Ooal Gown, the Sorcerer King, leaned forward slightly. Internally, Satoru Suzuki was panicking. *Who is this person? He has no mana. He’s wearing... is that a 'Brush' brand hoodie? Why isn't he affected by my Despair Aura? Is he so weak the aura doesn't even register him as a threat, or is he so powerful he’s ignoring it?*

"Human," Ainz said, his voice deep and echoing with magical authority. "You have appeared in the heart of the Great Tomb of Nazarick. Explain yourself."

"I was recording a video, a purple hole ate me, and now I'm here," Mully said flatly. "Look, can I just go home? I have a delivery coming in like an hour and I don't want the guy to leave it on the porch."

Ainz stared at him. The silence stretched for a long, uncomfortable minute. "No," Ainz finally replied. "The magic that brought you here is unknown to me. Until I determine if you are a spy or a threat, you cannot leave."

"Ugh, seriously?" Mully groaned, throwing his head back. "This is the worst collab ever."

"You dare speak to him with such disrespect!" the winged woman—Albedo—shouted, her wings flared out. "I will end your miserable—"

"Albedo, stay your hand," Ainz commanded, raising a skeletal hand. "There is something... unusual about him."

Before another word could be said, a blur of motion appeared from the shadows. A small, pale figure in a lavish crimson dress materialized beside Mully. She had silver hair and glowing red eyes that seemed to pierce right through him.

Shalltear Bloodfallen leaned in close, sniffing the air around Mully. Her expression shifted from curiosity to a disturbing sort of hunger. "Oh my... what an interesting scent you have, little human. You smell of... electricity and fried grease. It’s strangely intoxicating."

Mully shifted uncomfortably as the vampire girl began to circle him like a shark. "Okay, personal space, lady. You’re in the bubble. Back it up."

Shalltear giggled, a high-pitched, melodic sound that sent shivers down Mully’s spine. "Such spirit! Lord Ainz, may I keep him? He would make such a delightful toy. I promise not to break him too quickly."

"I am not a toy, I'm a YouTuber," Mully snapped, though he moved a few steps away from her.

Suddenly, a muffled ringing sound echoed through the silent throne room. Mully reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. The screen was cracked, but the face of JoshDub was clear on the display.

"Oh, thank God," Mully muttered. He hit the button and held the phone up.

"Mully! Dude, where the hell are you?" Josh’s voice screamed through the speaker. Behind him, Eddie and Juicy were visible, looking frantic. "The Narrator said you got sucked into a black hole! We called the police, but they thought we were doing a bit!"

"Josh, you wouldn't believe it," Mully said, turning the phone so the camera faced Ainz and Albedo. "I’m in some weird LARP castle. There’s a giant skeleton and a lady who wants to eat my liver."

On the phone screen, the boys went silent. "Is that... is that a real skeleton?" Eddie whispered. "Mully, get out of there! That looks like some dark souls boss shit!"

"I'm trying, but the big guy says I'm a prisoner or something," Mully said. "Listen, if I don't make it back, tell my dogs I love them. And tell Narrator he’s a nerd."

"Mully, wait—"

Mully hung up, sliding the phone back into his pocket. He looked at Ainz, who was staring at the phone as if it were an ancient artifact of immense power.

"Anyway, I'm gonna go look for a snack or an exit," Mully said, turning on his heel. "Catch ya later, Skelly."

"Stop!" Albedo cried out, but Ainz held up a hand again.

"Let him go," Ainz said, his curiosity outweighing his caution. "Follow him. See what he does. If he attempts to sabotage the tomb, kill him. But for now... I want to see what kind of creature treats the Sorcerer King like a common pedestrian."

Mully walked out of the throne room, his hands behind his head. He didn't notice Shalltear skipping along behind him, her eyes wide with an obsessive glint.

As he wandered the halls of Nazarick, he encountered more of the inhabitants. He walked right past Cocytus, the massive four-armed insect warrior.

"Greetings, warrior," Cocytus boomed, his breath frosting the air. "What. Is. Your. Business. Here?"

"Looking for a vending machine, big guy. Nice armor," Mully said, not slowing down.

Cocytus blinked all of his eyes. "Armor? This. Is. My. Body."

"Cool, cool. Keep up the grind," Mully called back over his shoulder.

He eventually found himself on a high balcony overlooking the various floors of the tomb. The view was breathtaking—vast, magical forests, sparkling lakes, and the sheer architectural impossibility of the place. It was more beautiful than any game he had ever played.

For a moment, the snarky facade dropped. Mully leaned against the stone railing, looking out at the artificial sky. The silence of the tomb was heavy, a stark contrast to the constant noise of his life back home. He thought about his setup, the messy room he’d complained about, and the sound of his dogs barking at the mailman.

He missed the chaos. He missed the boys.

Shalltear leaned against the railing next to him, her predatory aura softened by a look of genuine intrigue. "You are a strange one, Mully. Most humans would be weeping on the floor by now. Are you truly not afraid of us?"

Mully looked at her, then back at the horizon. "I've spent the last five years being yelled at by a guy in a VR headset pretending to be a toddler. After that, a giant skeleton is basically a vacation."

He sighed, his shoulders drooping. "I just hope someone’s feeding my dogs."

Shalltear tilted her head, watching him. She didn't understand the words, but she understood the melancholy. For the first time in her existence, she felt a flicker of something other than bloodlust or loyalty toward a human. She felt curious.

"Lord Ainz is powerful," she said softly. "Perhaps, if you amuse him enough, he will find a way to send you back to your... dogs."

"Yeah," Mully muttered, looking at his cracked phone. "He better. I still have a video to edit."