Mario's fanclub or something

The morning sun filtered through the stained-glass windows of the new Showgrounds castle, casting vibrant patterns across the polished floorboards. It was a peaceful morning, or at least it was until Mario decided to use the grand staircase as a giant slip-and-slide using nothing but a bucket of industrial-grade grease and a dream.

"Wahoo! Look at me, I’m a slippery meatball!" Mario yelled, hurtling down the stairs on his stomach. He crashed into a decorative vase at the bottom, sending shards of porcelain flying as he landed face-first into a pile of laundry.

He sat up, a pair of SMG4’s blue socks draped over his ears, and let out a loud, wet burp that echoed through the foyer. He looked around, expecting the usual round of groans or a stray hammer to the head. Instead, he was met with a very different kind of silence.

Standing in a semi-circle around him were five familiar faces: Meggy, Tari, Saiko, Melony, and even Karen, the perpetually exhausted cat-cashier from the local convenience store.

Mario blinked, picking a piece of lint off his tongue. "Uh, hello? Why are you all looking at Mario like he’s a giant ravioli?"

Meggy stepped forward first, her orange inkling hair glowing in the sunlight. She didn't have her usual competitive fire in her eyes; instead, they were soft, almost dreamy. "You know, Red, I never realized how... daring your stunts are. The way you just threw yourself down those stairs without a care for physics... it’s brave."

"It’s more than brave," Tari added, her voice trembling slightly as she clutched her meta-runner arm. "It’s so authentic. You don't care what anyone thinks of you, Mario. You’re just... you."

Saiko leaned against her massive hammer, a faint blush creeping onto her pale cheeks. "There’s a certain chaotic energy to your stupidity that I find... refreshing. It’s better than all those 'normal' losers out there."

Melony, who was usually asleep, was wide awake and staring at Mario with stars in her eyes. "He’s like a big, round, red pillow of destiny," she whispered.

Even Karen, who usually looked like she wanted to quit life, was staring at Mario with a strange intensity. She adjusted her glasses, her tail twitching. "I deal with idiots all day at the store, Mario. But you? You’re a special kind of idiot. It’s almost... magnetic."

Mario stared at them, his brain processing at the speed of a dial-up modem. "Does this mean I get free snacks?"

"Anything you want, Mario," Meggy cooed.

Up on the balcony, SMG4, Luigi, and Bob were watching the scene with varying degrees of horror and confusion. SMG4 was gripping the railing so hard his knuckles were white.

"Is... is this a prank?" SMG4 hissed. "Is Mario filming a video without me? Why are they looking at him like he’s a five-course meal?"

Luigi was trembling. "I don't know, Bro! I’ve never seen Meggy look that way at anything except a Splatfest trophy! And Karen? She hates everyone!"

Bob, never one to miss an opportunity to be a jerk, leaned over the railing and cupped his hands around his mouth. "Yo, Mario! You look like a fat dumpster fire that someone tried to put out with mountain dew! Get a life, you scrub!"

The reaction was instantaneous. Five heads snapped toward the balcony. The air in the room suddenly felt ten degrees colder. Meggy’s hand went to her Splattershot, Saiko gripped her hammer until the wood creaked, and Melony’s Fierce Deity sword shimmered into existence behind her back.

"What did you just say to him?" Saiko asked, her voice a low, dangerous growl.

Bob flinched, stepping back. "Uhh, I said he looks... uh... majestic?"

"You called him a dumpster fire," Karen said, her claws unsheathing with a sharp *shink*. "I suggest you apologize to the customer before I process your face through the scanner."

"I’m sorry! I’m sorry!" Bob shrieked, sprinting away toward the back of the castle as a stray ink-bolt from Meggy’s gun scorched the floorboards behind him.

Mario, meanwhile, had found a stray piece of gum on the bottom of his shoe and was trying to see if it still had flavor. He was completely oblivious to the murderous intent the girls were projecting toward anyone who dared insult him.

"Ooh, minty!" Mario cheered, hopping to his feet. "I’m gonna go find some spaghetti in the kitchen! You guys wanna come?"

"We’d be honored," Tari said, offering him her hand.

Mario didn't take it; instead, he did a little spin and started waddling toward the kitchen, humming a distorted version of the Mario theme song. The five girls followed him in a tight formation, resembling a secret service detail for a very round, very confused VIP.

As they moved through the castle, the rest of the crew watched in stunned silence. Fishy Boopkins tried to wave at them, but Melony gave him a look so cold he immediately hid inside his spike-ball.

In the kitchen, Mario began his "culinary masterpiece." This involved dumping three boxes of dry pasta into a pot of cold water, adding a whole jar of peanut butter, and topping it with a handful of glitter he found in a drawer.

"Mario is a master chef," he declared, stirring the gray sludge with a dirty shoe.

"The way you defy culinary norms is so bold," Meggy said, leaning on the counter and watching him with rapt attention.

"I’ve never seen anyone use peanut butter like that," Tari whispered, her eyes wide. "It’s so... innovative."

Mario turned around, his face covered in peanut butter. "You guys are nice! Usually, SMG4 tells me I’m banned from the kitchen for 'health violations.' I don't know who 'Health' is, but he sounds like a loser!"

Saiko stepped closer, reaching out to wipe a smudge of glitter from Mario’s cheek. Her touch was uncharacteristically gentle. "Don't listen to him, Mario. We’re here now. We’ll make sure nobody ever tells you what to do again."

"Yeah," Melony added, hugging her pillow tightly. "We’ll keep you safe forever and ever."

Mario giggled, the sound high-pitched and goofy. "Wahoo! Mario has a fan club! Does this mean I get a trophy?"

"You’re the only trophy we need," Karen said, though she looked like she was struggling to maintain her professional composure.

For the rest of the afternoon, the castle was witness to the strangest parade in its history. Mario decided he wanted to play "Super Mario" in real life, which mostly involved him jumping on the furniture and trying to break bricks with his head.

When he accidentally headbutted a solid stone pillar and collapsed in a heap of stars, the girls didn't laugh. Instead, they swarmed him.

"Are you okay, Red?" Meggy asked, checking his pupils.

"I’ll get the med-kit!" Tari cried, hovering over him.

"I’ll kill the pillar," Saiko stated flatly, raising her hammer and smashing the decorative stonework into dust.

Mario sat up, rubbing his head. "I’m fine! My head is made of wood! See?" He tapped his cranium, which produced a hollow thud.

The girls sighed in relief, their expressions melting back into that strange, devoted adoration.

SMG4 watched from behind a potted plant, frantically typing on his laptop. "This is a nightmare. This is a total anomaly. My channel is going to go insane if I don't figure out how to fix this! Luigi, do something!"

Luigi peeked out from behind SMG4. "Me? Did you see what they did to Bob? He’s still hiding in the vents! I’m not going near them!"

Down in the courtyard, Mario had moved on to his next activity: chasing a butterfly. He ran in circles, his arms flailing, tripping over his own feet every few seconds.

"Look at him go," Meggy whispered, sitting on a stone bench with the others. "He’s so graceful in his own way."

"He’s like a chaotic little angel," Tari agreed.

Karen watched Mario stumble into a rose bush and come out covered in thorns, yet still smiling. "He doesn't have a single thought in that head of his. No bills, no annoying customers, no taxes. It’s beautiful."

Mario finally caught the butterfly—or rather, it landed on his nose. He went cross-eyed trying to look at it, then let out a loud sneeze that blew the poor insect halfway across the yard.

"Achoo! Oopsy-daisy!" Mario laughed, falling backward into the grass.

The girls moved as one, surrounding him as he lay in the clover. They sat down around him, forming a protective barrier against the world.

"You know, Mario," Meggy said, looking up at the sky. "A lot of people think you're just a nuisance. But they don't see what we see."

Mario looked at her, a rare moment of semi-lucidity crossing his face. "What do you see?"

"Pure, unadulterated joy," Tari said softly.

"And a complete lack of shame," Saiko added with a smirk.

"And a very soft tummy," Melony noted, poking his stomach, which made Mario emit a noise like a squeaky toy.

Mario grinned, his wide, toothy smile stretching across his face. He didn't understand the complex psychological shift that had occurred within his friends. He didn't understand why Karen wasn't yelling at him to get out of her store, or why Saiko wasn't threatening to throw him into the sun.

All he knew was that he had five friends who were being extra nice to him, and they didn't seem to mind when he did something "stupid."

"Mario likes this day," he said, folding his hands behind his head. "Can we do this every day?"

The girls looked at each other, a silent pact forming in their eyes. A pact of protection, of devotion, and of absolute intolerance for anyone who would dare bring Mario back to reality.

"Every day, Mario," Meggy promised, her voice firm. "We’re going to make sure nothing ever bothers you again."

"Not even SMG4?" Mario asked hopefully.

"Especially not him," Saiko said, glancing toward the castle where SMG4 was currently trying to hide his camera.

Mario cheered, kicking his legs in the air. "Wahoo! No more work! Just spaghetti and fun!"

He rolled over and began trying to eat the grass, convinced it might taste like salad.

"He’s eating the lawn," Karen observed.

"It’s organic," Tari defended.

"He’s so brave," Melony sighed.

As the sun began to set, casting long shadows across the Showgrounds, the group remained in the grass. Mario eventually grew tired from his day of "being Mario" and fell fast asleep, his head resting on Melony’s lap while Tari used her jacket to cover his feet.

Meggy stood guard, her eyes scanning the perimeter for any signs of "haters" or "logic." Saiko sat nearby, sharpening her hammer's edge, while Karen pulled out a book, occasionally glancing down at the sleeping plumber with a rare, genuine smile.

They had found something in Mario’s simplicity that grounded them. In a world of cosmic threats, eldritch horrors, and constant internet drama, Mario was the one constant. He was the eye of the storm—completely empty, perfectly round, and blissfully unaware of the chaos he caused.

And they were going to keep him that way.

Inside the castle, SMG4 watched through a pair of binoculars. "They’re... they’re building a perimeter. They’ve actually started setting up traps around him."

"I think we should move to another kingdom," Luigi whispered. "Maybe the Mushroom Kingdom has an opening for a scared brother and a stressed-out meme lord?"

"No," SMG4 said, his eyes narrowing as he saw Saiko spot him and draw a finger across her throat in a universal gesture for 'you're dead.' "We stay. But... we stay very, very far away from Mario."

Down in the yard, Mario let out a loud, whistling snore. A small bubble of drool formed at the corner of his mouth.

To anyone else, it was a disgusting display of poor hygiene. But to his new, overprotective fan club, it was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen.

"Sleep well, Mario," Meggy whispered, patting his hat. "The world can't hurt you as long as we're here."

Mario mumbled something in his sleep about a "giant meatball bride," and the girls all felt their hearts melt just a little bit more. The madness had only just begun, but for Mario, it was just another wonderful day in his very, very quiet head.