The reunion of the Yandere drones

The Mushroom Kingdom was, for the first time in weeks, remarkably normal. The sun was shining over the peach-colored towers of the castle, the Toads were frolicking in the fields, and the smell of slightly burnt spaghetti wafted through the open windows of the main hall. Inside, the atmosphere was one of profound relief.

"I’m telling you, guys, I thought we were going to have to leave him there," SMG4 said, wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead as he leaned against the heavy oak table. He adjusted his blue hat, looking at the flickering monitors of his computer setup. "Did you see the way those... robot-thingies were looking at him? I’ve seen horror movies that started with less intense staring."

Meggy crossed her arms, a small smile playing on her lips as she watched Mario. The plumber was currently face-down in a massive bowl of pasta, making muffled noises of pure, unadulterated joy. "It was definitely weird. I’ve never seen a Disassembly Drone offer to 'eliminate the competition' just because Mario wanted more parmesan cheese."

Tari nodded, her robotic arm whirring softly. "They seemed really... attached. I’m just glad the portal held long enough to get him back. Copper-9 is a scary place."

"Scary?" Bob chimed in from the corner, waving his blades dismissively. "That place was a gold mine! Do you know how much scrap metal I could have sold? Mario was living like a king! He had three killer robots as personal bodyguards. That’s the dream, man!"

Mario surfaced from his bowl, a single noodle hanging from his mustache. He looked around the room, his big blue eyes momentarily losing their usual vacant sparkle. He thought about the Corpse Spire—the chilling wind, the piles of metal, and the three glowing visors that had followed his every move with terrifying devotion. He missed the way V would sharpen her claws just to slice his pepperoni pizza with surgical precision, or how Uzi would go on angry rants about "angst" while secretly tucking him into a sleeping bag made of discarded banners.

"It was okay," Mario said with a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumping. "But V didn't have any spicy meatballs. And J kept trying to give Mario 'performance reviews' for his napping. It was very stressful for Mario’s brain."

"Well, you're home now, Red," Luigi said, patting his brother on the back. "No more killer robots, no more frozen wastelands. Just good old-fashioned chaos here in the kingdom."

The group laughed, the tension of the interdimensional rescue finally dissipating. They began to recount the highlights of the mission—mostly focusing on how ridiculous Mario looked wearing a makeshift crown made of drone parts. Everything felt right. The balance had been restored.

Then, the air in the center of the room began to hum.

It started as a low vibration, the kind that makes your teeth ache. SMG4 froze, his eyes widening as his monitors began to glitch, displaying scrolling lines of purple code. "Uh... guys? I didn't leave the portal generator on, did I?"

"No," Tari said, her voice trembling as her internal sensors spiked. "The energy signature... it’s coming from outside! And it’s getting stronger!"

Outside the castle, the sky didn't turn dark, but it tore open. A jagged, swirling rift of neon purple energy manifested just above the drawbridge. It groaned with the sound of grinding metal and digital screaming. From the depths of the vortex, three silhouettes descended, hitting the ground with enough force to crack the stone pavement.

Back inside, the heavy front doors didn't just open; they were kicked off their hinges.

The smoke cleared to reveal a trio that looked entirely out of place in the colorful Mushroom Kingdom. In the center stood Uzi, her Railgun glowing with a volatile purple light, her digital eyes flickering with a frantic, obsessive "X" before snapping back to normal. To her left, V was already licking a drop of oil off one of her many bladed fingers, her wings tucked tightly behind her. To the right, J stood with her arms crossed, her pigtails swaying as she adjusted her business-like collar, looking around the room with utter disdain.

"Target located," J snapped, her voice a sharp, synthesized rasp. "And he’s surrounded by... low-quality biological lifeforms. Disgusting."

"Back off, corporate shill!" Uzi barked, stepping forward. Her visor displayed an 'angry' emoticon. "I tracked his scent—or, well, the smell of garlic and grease—across three dimensions! He’s mine to protect!"

"Please," V giggled, a sound that sent shivers down Luigi’s spine. "We all know he prefers the way I hunt for him. Now, where is he?"

The drones’ eyes locked onto the table. There, sitting between a terrified SMG4 and a confused Meggy, was Mario.

"MARIO!" the three drones screamed in unison.

Before anyone could react, the three robots blurred into motion. They ignored everyone else, treating the heroes of the Mushroom Kingdom like mere furniture.

V reached him first, her metal wings unfurling and wrapping around Mario in a protective, jagged cocoon. "Did they hurt you? Do I need to turn this castle into a scrap heap? Just give me the word, sweetie."

"Get your oily wings off him!" Uzi shouted, leaping onto the table and shoving V aside. She grabbed Mario by his overalls, pulling him close. "Mario! Don't listen to them! I brought you a souvenir from home! It’s a piece of a toaster I blew up! Look at the sparks!"

J pushed her way in, wielding a digital clipboard. "According to the bylaws of the JCJenson 'Found Property' act, this human is a registered asset of my squad. Mario, we have much to discuss regarding your sudden resignation. Your benefits package has been updated to include unlimited headpats and high-grade pasta sauce."

Mario, far from being terrified, let out a joyous "Wahoo!" He hugged Uzi’s head, causing the drone to freeze, her visor turning a bright, embarrassed purple.

"You guys came! Did you bring more of those shiny rocks?" Mario asked, poking J’s visor.

"We brought everything, Mario," J said, her voice softening in a way that would have horrified her creators. "We even requisitioned a transport ship. We aren't leaving without you."

SMG4 finally found his voice, though it was an octave higher than usual. "Hey! Hey! Scuse me! You can't just break into my house and kidnap my idiot! We just got him back!"

Meggy stepped forward, her hand on her Splattershot. "He’s our friend. He belongs here in the Mushroom Kingdom. Put him down, now."

Uzi turned her head one hundred and eighty degrees to look at Meggy, her eyes narrowing into dangerous slits. "Listen here, ginger. We spent three days listening to the silence of the spire without his humming. It was awful. The vibes were completely ruined. You aren't taking him back to your boring-ass castle."

"Actually," V added, her hand transforming into a submachine gun, "we were thinking of just moving in here. The lighting is better, and there’s plenty of things to... break."

"Moving in?!" SMG4 shrieked. "No! Absolutely not! I have a budget! I have a sanity meter that is currently in the red!"

"Your opinions have been noted and discarded," J said dismissively. She turned back to Mario, her expression turning into one of simulated motherly concern. "Mario, these people are clearly neglecting you. Look at this floor. It’s filthy. And you’re eating out of a ceramic bowl? How primitive."

Mario looked at his friends, then at the drones. He saw the fire in Meggy’s eyes and the glitching, desperate affection in Uzi’s visor. He did the only thing a Mario could do in this situation.

"Can we all have a pizza party?" Mario asked, blinking innocently.

The tension in the room didn't vanish, but it shifted. The drones looked at each other.

"If it means I get to stay within five feet of the human, fine," Uzi grumbled, though she didn't let go of Mario’s arm.

"I suppose a team-building exercise is in order," J sighed. "But I’m in charge of the guest list."

"I'll cut the slices," V said, her eyes turning into manic crescents. "I’m really, really good at cutting things."

SMG4 slumped into his chair, burying his face in his hands. "This is a nightmare. I’ve brought home sentient, homicidal toasters who are obsessed with my best friend."

"Look on the bright side," Luigi whispered, trembling as V started juggling her claws nearby. "At least we don't have to worry about Bowser attacking for a while? I think those girls would turn him into a luggage set in five seconds."

As the afternoon wore on, the castle transformed into a scene of chaotic domesticity. The drones didn't leave Mario’s side for a single second. When Mario went to the kitchen for a snack, he was escorted by a full military-grade security detail. When he sat on the sofa to watch TV, he was flanked by J and V, while Uzi sat on the back of the couch, glaring at anyone who walked too close.

The "Custody Battle" had moved from Copper-9 to the Mushroom Kingdom, and the stakes were higher than ever.

"You know," Tari said, sitting cautiously near Uzi, "it’s actually kind of sweet how much you care about him. Even if it is... a little bit scary."

Uzi looked away, her pigtails twitching. "Whatever. He’s just... he’s the only thing in the universe that isn't trying to kill me or give me a lecture. He’s just Mario. It’s a glitch in my system, okay?"

V, who was currently letting Mario use her wing as a footrest, let out a purr-like hum. "He’s warm. Drones aren't warm. It’s a nice change of pace."

J was busy reorganizing SMG4’s bookshelf, mainly because she couldn't stand the lack of alphabetical order, but her eyes never left the back of Mario’s head. "He requires a structured environment. I provide that. You two are just... hangers-on."

"Shut up, J!" Uzi and V shouted in unison.

Mario, caught in the middle of the bickering, simply leaned back and opened a fresh box of crackers. He didn't understand the interdimensional physics of the rift, and he didn't care about the power balance of Copper-9. He just knew that he had more friends now, and these friends were very good at making sure he never had to do his own chores again.

However, the mystery of the purple rift remained. As the drones settled in, the portal outside didn't close. It remained a jagged scar in the sky, pulsing with a rhythmic beat that matched the flickering lights in the castle.

Deep within the castle’s basement, the portal generator SMG4 had used to bring Mario home began to spark. It wasn't meant to handle the sustained presence of three Disassembly Drones in a world governed by cartoon physics. The two realities were rubbing against each other like sandpaper, and something was starting to give.

But for now, there was pizza.

"To Mario!" Bob shouted, raising a glass of soda. "The only man capable of turning a robot apocalypse into a harem anime!"

"It’s not a harem!" Uzi yelled, her face turning purple again. "It’s a tactical alliance!"

"Sure it is, kid," Saiko said, smirking as she leaned against her hammer. "Sure it is."

Mario took a big bite of his pizza, smiling as J wiped a smudge of sauce off his cheek with a sterilized cloth. He was home, he was fed, and he was the most protected being in the multiverse.

He didn't notice the way the shadows in the corner of the room seemed to flicker with purple static. He didn't notice the strange, golden glow beginning to emanate from the rift outside, or the faint sound of a distant, cynical laughter echoing through the digital void.

The adventure through time and space was far from over. In fact, with the drones now firmly planted in the Mushroom Kingdom, the real chaos was only just beginning. The "Old World" supplies were one thing, but the drones were about to learn that the Mushroom Kingdom had its own set of rules—rules that even JCJenson couldn't program for.

"Hey, Mario," V whispered, leaning close to his ear as her tail wagged slowly behind her. "What do you say we go find something to 'disassemble' tomorrow? I saw a turtle in a spiked shell outside that looks like he needs a haircut."

Mario grinned. "Ooh! Bowser! He gives the best hugs! You guys will love him!"

J sighed, tapping her chin. "A turtle king? We shall have to negotiate a surrender. I’ll prepare the paperwork."

SMG4 watched them, a feeling of impending doom settling in his gut. "I’m going to need so much therapy," he muttered, reaching for a slice of pizza before V’s claw swiped it away.

"Authorized personnel only," V chirped, her eyes flashing a warning red.

"I live here!" SMG4 screamed.

Mario just kept eating, blissfully unaware that he had just become the center of a new, robotic empire.