Da mully in teyvat

"I’m telling you, if I see one more 'Your Mom' joke in this Discord, I’m actually going to delete the server," Mully groaned, leaning back in his gaming chair. He adjusted his headset, the neon green lights of his setup casting a sharp glow over his face.

On the grid view of his monitor, the rest of the Boys were losing their minds. Josh was wheezing, his face turning a bright shade of red, while Narrator was trying—and failing—to maintain some semblance of order. Juicy was currently mid-scream, holding a plushie up to the camera for no apparent reason.

"Mully, look at the screen! The meme isn't even the funny part, it's the caption!" Eddie shouted, pointing at his own screen.

"I am looking! It’s garbage!" Mully retorted, though a smirk played on his lips.

Suddenly, the air in Mully’s room began to hum. It wasn't the low buzz of a PC fan or the hum of an air conditioner. It was a heavy, static-filled vibration that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

In the small webcam window on Josh’s screen, he saw it first. A swirl of violet and gold light began to tear open the fabric of reality directly behind Mully’s head. It looked like a jagged hole in the world, swirling with cosmic energy.

"Mully? Yo, Mully, behind you!" Josh’s laughter died instantly. His eyes widened, leaning closer to his camera. "Mully, move! Get out of the chair!"

"What? Josh, if this is a bit, it’s a terrible—"

Mully didn't get to finish. The vortex didn't just open; it exhaled. A vacuum-like force gripped Mully’s shoulders. He didn't even have time to scream before he was yanked backward, chair and all, into the shimmering abyss.

"MULLY!" the Boys screamed in unison.

The webcam feed flickered with purple static before cutting to a black screen that simply read: *No Signal.*

***

Mully woke up with a groan, his head throbbing as if he’d just spent twelve hours in a VR horror game without a break. The first thing he noticed wasn't the smell of his dusty apartment, but the scent of incense, silk, and something that smelled suspiciously like expensive tea.

He sat up, blinking rapidly. He wasn't in his gaming chair anymore. He was lying on a plush, ornate rug in a room that looked like it belonged in a high-budget historical drama. The walls were made of dark wood and sliding paper screens, decorated with gold leaf and intricate paintings of dragons and storms.

"Okay," Mully whispered, rubbing his face. "Either the VR headset exploded and I’m in a coma, or Josh finally drugged me."

He stood up, his legs feeling a bit like jelly. He was still wearing his hoodies and joggers, looking wildly out of place against the regal architecture. He spotted a massive set of double doors at the end of the hallway and, seeing no other option, decided to investigate.

He pushed the doors open slowly. The wood creaked with a heavy, expensive sound.

Inside was a massive circular hall. A long, mahogany table sat in the center, and around it sat a group of people who radiated an aura so intense it felt like the air was pressurized.

Mully froze. He looked at the signs placed on the table in front of each seat. He couldn't read the script perfectly, but the symbols for "Archon" were unmistakable in their grandeur.

To his left sat a woman with flowing white hair and eyes that seemed to hold a courtroom's worth of judgment. Next to her was a small, green-clad figure with a cape that glowed with emerald light. Further down was a tall, stoic man with amber eyes that looked like they were carved from stone. But the majority of the table was occupied by women who looked like they could level a mountain with a flick of their wrists.

Mully stood there, his mouth slightly agape. He looked down at his mismatched socks and then back at the gods.

"Nope," Mully muttered. "Absolutely not."

He turned on his heel, intending to walk right back out the door and pretend he hadn't seen anything.

"Hold your escape, traveler," a cold, feminine voice commanded.

Mully stopped mid-step. The voice felt like a lightning strike to the spine. He slowly turned his head.

Standing at the head of the table was a woman with long, braided purple hair and eyes the color of a brewing storm. She wore regal Inazuman robes that shifted like liquid silk. She was staring him down with a curiosity that felt dangerously close to an interrogation.

"You do not possess a Vision," the woman—Raiden Shogun—observed, her eyes narrowing. "Yet you fell through a rift in the Ley Lines directly into the Tenshukaku. Explain yourself."

Mully opened his mouth to speak, but a bubbly voice cut him off.

"Oh, look at his clothes!" a girl with pink hair and fox ears—Yae Miko—chirped, leaning forward. She wasn't an Archon, but she sat close enough to suggest she didn't care for the rules. "Such strange fabric. And his build... he’s quite sturdy, isn't he? Not like the scholars from Sumeru."

The woman with the white hair, Furina, squinted at him through a monocle she didn't actually need. "He has the aura of someone who has seen many battles... or perhaps just someone who yells a lot. I can't quite tell."

"He looks like he’s from a world without gravity," Venti joked, taking a sip from a golden goblet. "Look at how he stands. So casual in the presence of divinity."

Mully felt his face heating up. "Look, I don't know who you guys are—well, I kind of do, you look like those characters from that game Eddie plays—but I just want to go home."

Suddenly, a familiar, frantic ringing filled the silent hall.

*Duh-duh-duh-duuuuh!*

Mully jumped, fumbling for his pocket. He pulled out his iPhone, the screen glowing brightly. The caller ID showed a group FaceTime from "The Boys."

He hit 'Accept' without thinking.

"MULLY! ARE YOU ALIVE?" Josh’s face filled the screen, looking absolutely terrified. Behind him, Eddie and Juicy were hovering, trying to see the camera.

"I’m alive, I’m alive!" Mully hissed, holding the phone up. "Josh, you're not going to believe this. I’m in... I think I’m in Japan? But like, magic Japan?"

"Magic Japan?" Eddie yelled. "Mully, we saw you get sucked into a purple hole! We thought you were dead, you idiot!"

"Is that a girl with purple hair behind you?" Juicy asked, his eyes widening. "Wait... is that the Raiden Shogun? Mully, are you in Genshin?"

Mully looked back at the Archons, who were all staring at the glowing rectangle in his hand with varying levels of suspicion and wonder.

"I think so," Mully whispered into the phone. "They’re all staring at me. I think they’re going to kill me."

"Tell them you know us!" Narrator’s voice came through the speaker. "Tell them we’re influential! Or tell them Juicy is a god! They might believe that!"

Mully looked at the Raiden Shogun, who had stepped closer, her hand resting on the hilt of her katana. "I... uh... I’m fine, guys. Really. I’ll call you back."

"Wait, don't hang up!" Josh pleaded. "We need to know where you—"

"He is perfectly safe," the Shogun interrupted, her voice booming so loudly it picked up on the phone's microphone. She leaned into the frame of the camera, her violet eyes flashing. "His presence is required for questioning. Do not interrupt again."

The Archons behind her began to murmur. Nahida, the smallest among them, tilted her head. "Their voices... they come from a box of lightning. How fascinating."

Mully looked at the Shogun, then at his phone, and then back at the Shogun. He saw the way she was looking at the device—like it was a threat to her Eternity.

"Yeah, okay, that's enough of that," Mully said. He swiped red, hanging up on the stunned faces of his friends.

He shoved the phone into his pocket and looked the goddess in the eye. He was terrified, but his "Brush" persona was starting to kick in. He’d dealt with trolls, hackers, and Juicy in a VR chat room; a few gods weren't going to break him.

"Alright, look," Mully said, crossing his arms. "I’m not a spy, I’m not a wizard, and I don't have any 'Visions.' I’m just a guy who records videos for the internet. Now, if you’re done staring at me like I’m a zoo animal, I’d like to see what’s outside."

The room went silent. Most people in Inazuma wouldn't dare breathe loudly in front of the Shogun, let alone tell her they were leaving.

The Shogun stared at him for a long beat. Then, to everyone’s surprise, she stepped aside.

"Very well," she said coldly. "We shall accompany you. A foreign entity such as yourself cannot be left to wander Inazuma City unsupervised."

"Fine by me," Mully said, puffing out his chest. "Follow me then. I guess I’m the tour guide now."

He turned and marched out of the hall. He could hear the clacking of geta sandals and the soft rustle of silk behind him as the most powerful beings in Teyvat followed him like a lost pack of ducklings.

As Mully pushed open the massive exterior doors of the Tenshukaku, the sunlight hit him full force. He stopped dead on the balcony.

Below him lay Inazuma City. It was a sprawling masterpiece of purple-leafed maple trees, winding stone paths, and rooftops that glowed under the eternal twilight of the region. Thousands of people were moving through the streets below—merchants shouting their wares, guards in lacquered armor patrolling the gates, and children running with paper kites.

The scale of it was impossible. It wasn't a game map; it was a living, breathing world. The wind carried the scent of salt from the nearby ocean and the sweet aroma of Sakura Blooms.

"Holy..." Mully breathed, his bravado momentarily vanishing. "This is way better than the Discord memes."

"It is the land of Eternity," the Shogun said, stepping up beside him. She looked out over her city with a gaze that was both protective and distant. "Though it seems your world lacks such stability."

Mully looked at her, then down at the bustling city. He reached into his pocket and felt his phone. He knew the Boys were probably calling the police, or worse, trying to find a way to follow him.

"My world is a mess," Mully admitted, a small smile forming on his face. "But hey, if I’m stuck here for a bit, at least the view is good. Now, where do you get food around here? I’m starving."

The Archons exchanged looks. Venti laughed, clapping Mully on the shoulder. "I like this one! He has his priorities straight. To the Shimura Works! The first round of dango milk is on the Shogun!"

"I did not agree to that," the Shogun muttered, but she didn't stop them as they began the descent into the city.

Mully walked down the grand stairs, a YouTube creator flanked by gods, wondering how on earth he was going to explain this in his next upload—if he ever made it back to his PC. For now, the adventure was just beginning.