Overprotectivenese

The sun streamed through the stained-glass windows of the new Mushroom Kingdom castle, casting vibrant hues of pink, blue, and gold across the polished floors. It was a rare, peaceful afternoon—or as peaceful as things ever got in the presence of the SMG4 crew. Mario, the man of the hour and the lover of all things pasta, was currently sprawled out on a velvet rug in the main lobby. He wasn't plotting a heist or causing an explosion; he was simply trying to balance a single meatball on the tip of his nose.

"Almost... almost... ho-ho!" Mario giggled, his eyes crossing as he focused on the rolling sphere of beef.

He was blissfully unaware of the eyes fixed upon him. From various corners of the room, the female members of the crew were watching his every move with an intensity that bordered on the supernatural. Meggy Spletzer, usually focused on training or coaching, sat on a nearby sofa with her chin in her hands, a soft, dreamy smile plastered on her face. Beside her, Tari clutched a rubber duck to her chest, her cybernetic eye zooming in and out to capture every "adorable" twitch of Mario’s mustache.

Even Karen, the perpetually exhausted cat-mom and cashier, had paused her cleaning. She leaned against her mop, her usual scowl replaced by a look of maternal—and slightly obsessive—adoration. Saiko Bichitaru sat on the stairs, her massive hammer resting idly by her side as she watched the plumber with a gaze that suggested she would flatten anyone who dared to blink in his direction.

Mario, oblivious to the heavy atmosphere of affection, let out a loud, wet sneeze. The meatball flew off his nose and landed on the floor with a dull thud.

"D'oh! My meatball!" Mario wailed, his lower lip trembling as he looked at the fallen snack.

Deep in the corner of the room, SMG4 was hunched over his laptop, his fingers flying across the keyboard. The stressful sound of Mario’s whining was the last thing his frayed nerves needed while he was trying to edit a video under a tight deadline.

"Mario, for the love of God, be quiet!" SMG4 snapped without looking up. "I’m trying to work, and your screaming is making my brain melt. Just sit there and don't make a sound!"

The silence that followed was immediate, but it wasn't the peaceful silence SMG4 had hoped for. It was the kind of silence that preceded a localized apocalypse.

Mario’s shoulders slumped. His big, blue eyes welled up with tears, and he let out a tiny, heartbroken whimper. He curled into a ball on the rug, hugging his knees as he stared mournfully at the floor. He looked like a kicked puppy, if that puppy wore overalls and smelled like oregano.

SMG4 felt a sudden, icy chill crawl up his spine. It was the sensation of being hunted by several apex predators at once. He slowly turned his head away from his laptop, his sweat turning to ice.

Meggy had stood up. Her hands were balled into fists, and her eyes were glowing with a terrifying, orange fire. To her left, Tari’s shy demeanor had vanished; she was vibrating with a silent, digital rage. Saiko had already gripped the handle of her hammer, the wood creaking under her strength, while Karen’s claws had slowly unsheathed, glinting in the afternoon light.

The four women were giving SMG4 a death glare so potent it could have withered a forest.

"Uh... guys?" SMG4 stammered, sliding his chair back. "It’s just... he was being loud. You know how he is."

They didn't say a word. They simply moved as one, ignoring the producer entirely as they descended upon the sobbing plumber.

"Oh, Mario, it’s okay," Meggy whispered, her voice dripping with a sweetness that sounded almost alien coming from the competitive Inkling-turned-human. She knelt beside him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Don't listen to him. He’s just a meanie."

"Do you want to play with my blue jay, Mario?" Tari asked, her voice trembling with protective emotion. She knelt on his other side, offering him her prized possession. "It’ll make you feel better, I promise."

Karen walked over and produced a pristine, golden-brown plate of spaghetti from seemingly nowhere—likely her emergency stash. "Here, sweetie. Eat this. Ignore the shouty man in the blue hat."

Saiko stood behind them like a towering sentinel, her shadow looming over the group. She didn't speak, but she patted Mario’s head with a surprisingly gentle touch, her eyes still darting back to SMG4 with murderous intent.

Luigi, who had been dusting a nearby vase, stopped and stared with his jaw hanging open. He had spent his entire life watching Mario get into trouble, get yelled at, and occasionally get kicked into the sun. He had never seen his brother become the center of a protective maiden cult.

"M-Mario?" Luigi squeaked. "Are you okay? You’re... you’re very popular today."

Mario looked up, his face smeared with spaghetti sauce and tears. "Mario is a good boy?"

"The best boy," Meggy confirmed, wiping a stray noodle from his cheek.

The rest of the male crew—Fishy Boopkins and Bob—wandered into the lobby, having heard the commotion. Bob, being Bob, immediately saw an opportunity to stir the pot.

"Lol, look at this fatass," Bob rasped, waving a blade-arm dismissively. "He’s crying because he dropped a meatball? What a pathetic loser. Hey Mario, you look like a giant trash bag in those overalls. Why don't you go cry in the—"

Bob didn't get to finish his sentence.

The temperature in the room seemed to drop twenty degrees. Meggy, Tari, Saiko, and Karen all turned their heads in unison toward the hooded garo. The sheer intensity of the "murderous glares" was enough to make Bob’s green rags flutter.

Saiko took a step forward, her hammer head cracking the floor tiles beneath her. "What did you just say, Bob?"

"I, uh..." Bob’s voice went up three octaves. "I said he looks... very dashing today? Like a... majestic trash bag?"

"You called him a loser," Karen hissed, her tail lashing back and forth. "I handle Karens all day at the shop, Bob. I have very little patience left for someone who insults my favorite customer."

"He’s sensitive!" Tari cried, her eyes brimming with protective tears. "Apologize to him right now!"

Bob looked at the wall of angry women, then at SMG4, who was currently trying to hide behind his own monitor. He then looked at Mario, who was happily slurping up noodles while leaning against Meggy’s leg.

"Holy crap, you guys are nuts," Bob muttered. "I’m leaving."

"You’re not going anywhere until you say you’re sorry," Meggy said, her hand moving toward her Splattershot.

"Okay, okay! I’m sorry Mario is a beautiful princess! Please don't kill me!" Bob yelled before sprinting out of the room at Mach speeds.

The tension broke slightly as Bob disappeared, but the girls didn't move from Mario’s side. They remained huddled around him, forming a human (and cat and cyborg and anime) shield.

SMG4 cleared his throat nervously. "Look, I didn't mean to upset him. I’m just stressed. Can we just go back to normal?"

"Normal is making sure Mario is happy," Meggy said firmly, crossing her arms. "He’s been through a lot, Four. He deserves to be pampered."

"He accidentally set the kitchen on fire three times this morning," SMG4 pointed out.

"It was a creative choice," Saiko growled, resting her hammer on her shoulder.

Mario, now finished with his spaghetti, let out a loud, satisfied burp. He looked around at the circle of protective faces and gave a wide, toothy grin. "Wahoo! Mario has so many sisters! Can we go get more spaghetti now?"

"Anything you want, Mario," Tari said, patting his hand.

"I’ll drive," Karen added, pulling out her car keys. "And if anyone tries to cut us off in traffic, Saiko can handle it."

"With pleasure," the pink-haired girl smirked.

As the group began to lead Mario toward the castle exit, treating him like a visiting dignitary or a precious heirloom, Luigi walked over to SMG4’s desk. They both watched the display in stunned silence.

"Is it just me," Luigi whispered, "or is the world getting weirder?"

"It’s not just you, Luigi," SMG4 sighed, rubbing his temples. "I think Mario just gained a private security detail. And God help us if I ever tell him to do the dishes again."

Outside, the sound of Mario’s joyful "It's-a me!" echoed through the courtyard, followed by the synchronized, protective cheers of his new guardians. The crew had seen many things—alien invasions, eldritch horrors, and the end of the world—but Mario being genuinely adored was perhaps the most unsettling development of all.

As they reached the castle gates, Mario stopped and looked back at SMG4. He waved a chubby hand, a mischievous glint in his eye that suggested he knew exactly how much power he currently wielded.

"Bye-bye, Mean-y Four!" Mario shouted.

The girls all turned back to give SMG4 one last, warning look before disappearing around the corner.

SMG4 stared at his blank screen for a long moment. Then, he slowly closed his laptop. "That’s it. I’m going to bed. Maybe when I wake up, the logic of this universe will make sense again."

"Doubt it," Luigi said, picking up his broom. "But hey, at least nobody’s screaming. Except maybe Bob. I think I can still hear him running."

In the distance, the faint sound of Bob’s "OW MY OVARIES" echoed across the hills, proving that even from a distance, the protective aura surrounding the red plumber was not to be trifled with. Mario was safe, fed, and loved—and the Mushroom Kingdom would never be the same.